happy days random confessions of amy nicolson
by I.wanna.be.like.Rosalie1264
Summary: ok, this is just a load of diary entries from georgia's cousin amy  who i made up . the style and language are the same as the books, but i havent yet decided if it will follow a proper storyline. please read and tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay, so this is my first ever story for this book, I'm not sure if it's funny, I'm not even sure if it's good, I just thought I would give it a go seeing as I loved the books so much, so please review at the end and tell me what you think, if I come back with a load of people saying its complete and utter crap, then I'll stop, but if you think it's alright then I'll post some more chapters. I have written some more already that are a bit funnier than this one but I needed to put this down to kind of get it going if you know what I mean. And remember, this isn't like an actual story, it's just diary entries similar to the books that will hopefully make you laugh a bit. So read and enjoy! **_

_**Also Louise Rennison owns all the quirky words, jokes and of course the wonderful Georgia Nicolson, Tallulah and any other characters I might have mentioned in this!**_**Wednesday 1st September**

* * *

**6:18pm**

**Airplanes by B.O.B and Hayley Williams just played.**

**I am soooooo bored of that song now.**

**6:20pm**

**I think that now I am going into year 8 I am on the brink of woman hood. I got my period last month and I now have an eternal grudge against Mother Nature.**

**This song makes me think of ACE isle of white trip. Number 1 by N-dubz.**

**6:23pm**

**Anyway, womanhood, I think I should have a boyfriend and to do that I need to be skinny. I am on a diet starting from now.**

**2 mins later...**

**Shovelling crunchy nut cornflakes in my mush. Ludicrously tasty.**

**Whatever...soooooo I'm gonna use Georgia's snog scale for practical purpose only. *wink wink***

**1- Holding hands**

**2- Arm around**

**3- Goodnight kiss**

**4- Kiss lasting over three mins**

**5- Open mouths**

**6- Tongues**

**61/4- lip nibbling**

**61/2- ear snogging**

**7- Upper body fondling (outdoors)**

**8- Upper body fondling (indoors)**

**9- below waist activity**

**10- The full Monty**

**6:30pm**

**Ok, so year 7, survived. But! Year 8 has to be the best year EVER! I know my way around school, and I don't keep getting "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" or "oh aren't they cute!" comments every time I walked past upper years. I also don't have to worry about exams or options! I was a nerdy first former last year so all the teachers trust me. Well, kind off, if you get my nub.**

**Georgia told me about this one time when she called her friend jas, and played a fabulously subtle trick on her, I wonder which one of my brain dead useless friends would fall for it?**

**Called nutcase, also sometimes known by Lucy.**

"**hi"**

"**Bonjour mon amie!"**

"**ok, you're talking French, bye" wth I thought it was Spanish! Oh well.**

"**wait wait!"**

"**What?"**

"**I love you!"**

"**Uuuuh thanks"**

"**well say it then"**

"**what?"**

"**that you love me too"**

"**do I have to"**

"**mais oui"**

"**I don't know what that means"**

"**just say it"**

"**huuuuh! I...love...you"**

"**Thanks see you later lezzie"**

**Then I hung up, just like gee told me to.**

**Hahahahahahahahaa, I can't believe she fell for that, I believe she was with me when gee explained how she did it to jas.**

**It wasn't that long ago either.**

**Lying on my bed of pain, in my bedroom of sadnosity.**

**8:11pm**

**My lil bro hates me. I don't know how anybody could hate me. I am wonderfully generous and kind and giving and reasonable and charming and oh the list goes on forever. I am especially modest. I just don't understand how Jake could not like me. He probs has anger issues.**

**7 mins later...**

**Mutti has just confirmed this. Crikey.**

**8:20pm**

**Mon mama just explained how Jacob the loon is having "a rough time at school." Speech marks because that's her words not mine.**

**But apparently all his bastard friends have deserted him and he spends the whole time on his owny owny all aloney.**

**I feel depressed now. He might be rather spasmodically special and infuriatingly annoying and hate me all the time and I hate him back but he is my brother and I do love him really.**

**8:30pm**

**I was really in sheer desperadoes when I had a 'eureka!' momento!**

**The spazzy special one is always going on about how he needs a phone. Well, if we actually listened to his pleas of phoneyness and got him one he could text all his class mates and become tip top buddily chums!**

**I am full to the brim of geniosity.**

**Or is it generosity?**

**Both, I think.**

**8:49pm**

**Since I walked out of dinner in a hump, I am now starvingly starving.**

**I am going to venture out into the wilderness of my house and see if I can scavenge a left over digestive to nibble on maybe.**

**9:12pm**

**Mission: succeeded. But I ran into a divvy looking mum on the way back to the only sane place in this house (my room). I got told off for talking too much! I didn't even want to have a bloody conversation with her in the first place she started it. Georgia once said to me, she gets told to shut up so much she shouldn't have even bothered learning to talk.**

**She does make me laugh. Like a loon at a loon party. Haha.**

**9:47**

**The div parents hate me.**

**I feel unloved**

**Loooneleeeee! I am so looneleeeeeeeeee! I got noboooooodeeeeeeeeeee fooooooooor my oooooooooooooowwnnnnnn!**

**I suppose I should go to sleep now.**

**Big day tomorrow.**

**I'm doing nothing.**

**Except prepare for another year of harsh child labour at stalag 13. Georgia's school is stalag 14, because she's a year older than me, and lullah's school should be stalag 12 because she a year younger than me, but she went to this stupid arty farty thing in the summer, so it doesn't quite fit in.**

**Friday is such a stupid day to go back.**

**10 mins later...**

**Oh flip flip flip its Lucy's birthday tomorrow!**

**oopsy daisy.**

**Oh crikey! I sound about 80 when I say that.**

**10:03pm**

**Soon I'm gonna start saying "oooh that hits the spot!" when I take a sip of tea.**

**10:13pm**

**Blimey o Riley's trousers, I almost forgot!**

'**pinch punch first day of the month!'**

**There, now I can get my beauty sleep in peace.**

**As long as that bloody great nincompoop of a dog shuts up downstairs.**

**10:48pm**

**Got bored so I went downstairs and made the best bloody hot chocolate in the universe! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, yummy scrumboes!**

**11:05pm**

**My mum just came in to say goodnight and told me to take my bra off. In front of her. Eww. Of course she didn't actually say "take your bra off in front of me" she just told me to take it off then just kind of stood there looking at me. I thought she was meant to be married to my vati! Maybe she's ¼ lesbionish?**

**Oh god, I've got horrible images in my brain now! Get out GET OUT!**

**11:10pm**

**Apparently my basoomas need to 'rest' when I'm asleep.**

**It's not like they have to do a lot of work, I mean, think of my poor feet. Well actually my whole body suffers the wrath of my nungas. It's like carrying two small people around with me.**

**If they get any bigger I'm gonna end up toppling over forwards every time I stand up.**

**I'm now starting to sound a bit bonkers. I think I need a zizz. A loon ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizz.**

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_**So that was the first bit to get things going, I'm sorry for any mistakes there might be I wrote this pretty quickly, one last thing before I bore you all to death, I am a very busy person and I can't promise I will be able to update like every other day, I will try as much as I can though.**_

_**Please review and tell me what you think! **_


	2. Chapter 2

**Thursday 2****nd**** September**

**7:30am**

**Up at the crack of dawn like a startled parrot.**

**Mum burst into the room and I had to pull the duvet up to make sure she didn't see anything. Whatever happened to privacy? Please let me know. I may as well just get rid of my bedroom door altogether.**

**7:45am**

**My last day of freedom and I'm up and dressed before eight o clock. That is the poo-osity of my life.**

**In the madmobile (car)**

**8:57am**

**Off to the house of midget loons. Charlotte and Joey both come up to my knee, I have to watch I don't stand on one of then when I want to take a nice stroll across to the piddly diddly department.**

**9:07am**

**Mutti just called the sensationally slow car in front of us Doris?**

**I have no explanation for this.**

**9:48am**

**Just had breakfast.**

**Mini porridge fight between the midget loons. Porridge is flying everywhere and I'm sitting in the middle of it singing 'hit me baby one more time!'**

**Hahahahaha get it? As in charlotte and Joey are BABIES, and I'm getting HIT by porridge? **

**Hahahahahahahahahahaha I am vair amusant.**

**5mins later**

**Jake just got told to change the channel over to charlottes baby programs. Can't say I'm too happy about it myself, I think if 'iggle piggle' and 'upsy daisy' don't realise soon that asking the rock to move nicely isn't going to do anything, I may have to take a long walk off a very short cliff.**

**At least Jake got tooooooooooooooold!**

**Thank you auntie Louise. You might be a clean freak and obsessed with germs and drinking lots of water, but you rock!**

**10:15am**

**There was this thing on the telly where people could enter their pets for a competition, and a tortoise called slow won the funny award. Coolio.**

**But I don't see what's so funny about a tortoise called slow. It's a very sensible name in my opinion.**

**11:07am**

**My auntie apparently feels like a yoyo. Whether she is spinning up and down on a piece of string I don't know but that is the mystery of adults.**

**11:10am**

**My diet is going well. All I've had to eat today is a bowl of porridge and some cheesy mini cheddars.**

**That's quite healthy isn't it? I think it probably is.**

**Or it might not be.**

**11:30am**

**I just remembered the time when we were on the bus and a load of boys from our year came on and started calling us slags and sluts for no reason and pointing at our nungas and trying to look up our skirts.**

**It has made me decide that I don't really want a boyfriend, stupid, childish disgusting creatures. I am too full of maturiosity and wisdom to be interested in those lower class mammals, (except for Zac Efron and Taylor lautner and any other boy with the snoggability factor) but if I don't want to have my head shoved down the loo, my slush puppy thrown down my shirt and be called a loner lezzie so I suppose I shall have to have one.**

**Sigh, life is such a swiz; I'm surprised I can handle it all and still have time to be perfect.**

**11:44am**

**Dora the explorer is looking for something to carry the little pig in. Why can't the pig just walk like the rest of us have to? It's perfectly capable.**

**1 min later**

**My godparent's son, not even 1 year old midget loon Joey has just somehow managed to climb up onto the very top shelf about, about 7 foot about the ground, and is refusing to come down again. Crikey Moses. **

**11:52am**

**Now the other midget loon charlotte is throwing a terrific tantrum. I didn't**

**Know that so much noise could come out of such a small mouth.**

**I feel quite scared of her. Blimey o riley's trousers.**

**12:00pm**

**Off to park with mini loonsters and their leader.**

**Charlotte insisted on wearing her Ugg boots when it was 100 degrees out there.**

**At the park**

**12:10pm**

**Samuel Thompson is here.**

**Oh lordy.**

**Ok, just pretend not to notice him. Agggghhhhhh!**

**Lunch time**

**I have been forced into smothering myself in that horrible, sticky yellowish liquid stuff called sun screen to avoid third degree burns.**

**My mini cheddar tastes like moisturiser. Yuckola.**

**3:42pm**

**Gone bowling with Lucy for her birthday. She's in a very hooty mood. Not as in she's being like an owl, but she's being very mucky abouty. Hehehehehe.**

**Oh what larks, I have just been videoed very stupidly warbling 'total eclipse of the heart' all dramatically like.**

**It's probably half its way round face book by now.**

**My life is over.**

**Stalag 13 starts tomorrow. Yippeeeeeeeee! NOT. **

**Doing yoga on my bed**

**5:37pm**

**Did you know it took me about 4 hours to tidy my room? No, you probably didn't know that. I feel utterly exhausted. That why I am filling myself with peace and calmosity before I go to sleepy byes.**

**OW OW OWEEEE! I just fell out of my head stand into my box of old Barbies.**

**10:19pm**

**I think my neck is broken but nobody cares. Oh well, I shall lie here and die quietly on my bed of pain.**

**I'd better go to sleep now. I have to wake up uber early tomorrow for stala...**

**SCHIESSEN HOUSEN I LEFT MY GLUE UNDER MY DUVET AND IT'S NOW ALL OVER MY FEET.**

**This is not groovy.**

**I repeat NOT GROOVY! **


	3. Chapter 3

Friday 3rd September

6:00am

As I said, up at the crack of dawn like an extremely startled parrot.

Except I'm not squawking and I don't have feathers. Yet.

Seeing how unlucky my life is they will probably start sprouting out of my huge conk.

And yes, I have inspected my nose. It has definitely grown in the last week. I hate my dad and his brother for giving me and Georgia the humongous snoz gene.

By the time I'm 18 it will be sticking out past my feet.

in a strange position on my bedroom floor 6:45

I thinks rudey dudey tights are the most deadly and dangerous things to try and put on.

I am quite sure that my unnaturally long legs are not supposed to bend this way.

Ho hum pigs bum I shall carry on bravely.

8:10am

Leanne and Gail said the only reason they give me a lift in the morning is because I forget everything and get into trouble for it they find it bloody funny! So when I am stressed to hell it makes their stress better. Charming. Just wonderful. (Note the sarcasm)

Oh well, if they are having a bad day all they have to do is think about how bad mine is and it makes theirs better.

Although it was quite funny when I took mutti's coat instead of mine by accident and it had her phone keys and wallet in it but all I said was "crap crap flip flip I'm going to look like bloody darth vader with this stupid black coat flapping round my ankles!"

They found that extremely funny.

Mum didn't seem to though.

I'm sure she will see the funny side of it one day.

Huh. one day in a few thousand years maybe.

3 mins later...

Oh crapola and bolloks I have forgotten my gym kit!

11:21am

It turns out I didn't need my gym kit after all, all we did was listen to scatterbrain (my form tutor) go on about achieving stuff, then sit through the most boring speech ever about achieving more stuff whilst needing to go to the piddly diddly department vair badly, then get hit round the head with a ruler by mad Mahane, and get told off four times for having scruffy uniform by Hawkeye hunter.

Georgia's school has a Hawkeye too, I have Hawkeye hunter and she has Hawkeye Heaton, she told me all about her and I swear they could be twins.

She has got it in for me. She won't rest until she sees me either suspended or in a lifetime's detention.

12:13pm Geoggers

The new geography teacher looks like a human hobnob. You know those bobboly little biscuits that go really well with tea? HEY! And her name is Hobson!

GENIUS!

And the new drama teacher is a skank.

Literally, her name is Mrs. skanky. Well, sanky but close enough. That is soooooo unfortunate.

For her I mean.

For us, she has just provided jokes for the whole term!

Result!

2:15pm ICT

Do you know the first thing that the new IT teacher said to me as I came into the classroom?

I will tell you.

I just walked in, happy, carefree, light as a feather and he shouts at me "sit down girl you have detention!"

Jeez, people these days! Maybe he should yoga like me and he will be filled with calm.

3:15pm bell

Groooaaann!

I have to walk all the way to nut's house from the 290 ash tree bus stop!

Life is so hard.

4:00pm Frittam hill road

Bolloks!

I was so busy talking to Abigail that I missed my stop and now I have to walk all the way down Frittam hill road.

Dear frog's balls it's longer than it looks.

Why in the name of Michael Jackson's sparkly gold elasticated briefs did I not get the 216 bus?

Oh yes, I remember, because then I would be getting it all on my Larry!

4:30pm

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

I've entered the house of volume and madness. This is worse than Tina's new year party when everyone got extremely drunk.

Including me.

By accident. Of course.

10 mins later...

Everyone has arrived to the mad party, and Mutti brought over some wii stuff to use.

We didn't use it.

6:15pm pizza time

I am being harrased.

Oh well life goes on like a hat in a washing machine.

8:32pm truth or dare...

My friends make up the most boring, safest unexciting dares in the universe.

And Lucy's a wimp.

I think I scared Antony when I ran into him topless.

He will never think of me the same way.

I.e. with nungas

11:42pm still playing bored games

Haha get it? BORED games. As in we are playing games and I am BORED. Haha vair funny.

I think labyrinth may be one of the best games on the planet if you want to infuriate your mind by trying to think logically.

12:02 am

Finally going to sleep on hardly blown up bed with a blanket about half my body length.

I'll survive... hopefully.

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**Okay! So I posted another two chapters seeing as the first one didn't seem to be too bad...**

**Please review and tell me what you think! xx **


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